Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
