omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How's work?
Spinning.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
