Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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