At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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