also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
