u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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