When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
