I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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