Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
