Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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