He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Your cock deserves a montage
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize