When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
