i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
