And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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