Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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