I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize