The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize