you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
