my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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