In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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