at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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