He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
