Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
