I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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