I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
