I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The air was thick with penises
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
this is an emotional support booty call
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
