woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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