508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
