Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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