nut hugger
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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