what day is it and did you see me today?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
