it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
