I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'd cum for enchiladas.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
