So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
