Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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