dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
