So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
