Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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