Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
