dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize