Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize