She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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