it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
