An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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