He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I party with great urgency now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
