For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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