You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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