I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
