I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
