I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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