i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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