I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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