you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
