he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
