Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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