it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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