I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i love accidental penises.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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