Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
