i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
