Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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