Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is it because I queefed?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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