there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
