so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
BRING THE BAGELS
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
