you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize