It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
