Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
