He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
