He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
