I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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