drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize