It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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