Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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