well I can't set my house on fire every night
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
