So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
