Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
