I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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