I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
