Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
