I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
