I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
