when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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