well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
