make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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