We won't sleep together?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
