This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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