I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
