I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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