It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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