Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
