I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
