I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
