When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
