I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
