My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
