it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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