Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
