She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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