There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dicks are not precious.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
