She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
